Adina’s Cute & Perky Blog!

A man came in my office to take care of some business, but he left a  story with me that I’m sure will stay in my heart for a long  time.

A few months ago, he lost his wife  of twenty-seven years.

He was only  forty-five years old. That seemed so young to be married for such a long  time.

But he went on to tell me that she  was fourteen and he was eighteen when they married!  Wow!

For all intents and purposes, they  had raised each other.

And after a  lengthy battle, she succumbed to cancer just a few months  ago.

He stood there for the longest time  talking about her.

Regina.

The love of his  life.

He loved  her.

He loved her with a love so deep, I  felt like I could see it. Love you could see in action, word, and  deed.

Love must look like the look he had  on his face when he said her name.

He  told me how hard it was to open the closet and see her clothes, shoes, and  purses. Things that brought her joy at the time, but that he doesn’t know what  to do with.

And then of course,  everything reminds him of her.

He talked  about trying to sit down and write thank-you notes for the flowers and kind  gestures, but the box of notes has her picture on it.

When he opens it up, a flood of memories hit him. So he closes  it.

He didn’t cry during the entire time  he was talking to me, but you could see the tears were  there.

He wanted to  cry.

Wanted  to.

But what he said sticks with  me.

“I could feel sorry for myself, but I  don’t. I figure I had something most people search for, but never  find.

I remind myself of that when I feel  kind of down.

We had our arguments like  other married people do, but we were always OK when the sun went  down.”

And even in death, his wife did  not feel sorry for herself.

He told  me:

“She would have bad days and snap.  Then as quick as that, it was over. She would look at me and say, ‘I’m sorry.  You didn’t deserve that.’

But I would  tell her if you want to lay down on the floor and cry, I’ll lay there next to  you and cry with you. If anyone’s earned the right to feel sorry for themselves,  you have.”

He stayed a while longer and  never did shed a tear.

I wanted to crawl  under my desk and bawl. His words made my heart ache for  him.

But he would not want me to feel  sorry for him, and I will remember that this week and in the weeks to  some.

I will remember not to feel sorry  for myself.

Because she didn’t and never  does he.

And what is going on in my own  life that even compares?

It was when I found out I could  make mistakes that I knew I was on to something. ~Ornette  Coleman

I never make stupid mistakes.  Only very, very clever ones. ~John Peel

Never say, “oops.” Always say, “Ah, interesting.” ~Author  Unknown

If you don’t make mistakes,  you’re not working on hard enough problems. And that’s a big mistake. ~F.  Wikzek

I brought my laptop to the  ballgame to write during the time between games. Jonah is in the band, so I get  to stay through all of them.

Can you feel  the joy here?

Four junior high football  games in a row! Oh, the joy! Somebody hold me down. I might float away from the  joy!

And OK, I won’t lie. I brought my  wireless card so I could surf between games too. That’s a lot of football  goodness, y’all! My people can’t sit idly for that long. We’re not wired that  way. We’re just wired!

But when I fired  it up my laptop, I realized my son had been using it at home sans plugging it  in.

I had only 27% battery power left to  make it through four games.

And so I had  some decisions to make.

What becomes the  priority when you only have 27% of your power but 100% things you need to  do?

I could go answer those two facebook  comments I’m dying to reply to.

I could  check my E-mail.I could look for a recipe for homemade protein bars or check  what’s going on at MD.

Or….I could write  my Blog. The thing that makes me happy and starts my day off right. 

There’s always  choices.

Kind of like whether or not to  do to the gym every day.

Some days are  just 27% days.

Some days you only have  time to get in 27% of what you need to do.

And well, during all this thinking time, my circumstances have  changed.

I’m now down to  24%!

Oh…no!

I’m still thinking at this point…

Then I start weighing things out.

If I choose to do search and look, I’ll be thinking about my Blog  and wishing I had done it.

And if that  battery goes out, I’ll wish I did it.

But…I just looked and I’m at 24% still.

And you know, I can play on my Blackberry once I get this  written.

Because…

If I don’t do it,  I’ll spend all my battery time thinking about it.

I’ll end up thinking about it for longer than it would take to  actually do it.

And then where would I  be?

No battery and no  Blog.

Because I’m at 23%  now!

Time is  wasting.

And…wait…it’s  done!

Hmm…

Like with so many other things, it’s best to do what needs to be  done first.

Because I still have battery  power left to do other things.

And I  won’t look back and wish I had played first when I go to bed with it  done.

After you do all the things you  need to do and have to do, there is usually plenty of play time left. Maybe not  every day, but on most.

You just have to  stop thinking everything takes so much of your battery…because some things that  seem so big only take 4%.

And if you add  up the 24 hours in a day…an hour at the gym is right at  4%.

And don’t we all have  that?

I was texting back and forth with a friend who was telling me  something that was bothering him.

In  response, I tell him, “I have a strange amount of sources for a regular girl. I  can always fix things like that for you.”

I thought the conversation was over, so I set down my  Blackberry.

(Side note: I love my  Blackberry!)

Anyway…

A few minutes later I  look down to see where I have missed a message from  him.

And all I can see is, “How dare  you…”

My heart  sank.

I panicked, thinking, what did I  say?

So I grabbed the phone to click  the message open and see that he has said.

What I thought was bad, was really sweet. 

“How dare you call yourself  regular!”

And I don’t know why, but that  made me laugh so hard!

That’s even what I  told him, “I laughed so hard you’d be ashamed!”

And I’m sure he laughed too!

But you know what?

It took me  a long time to learn to surround myself with people who don’t treat me like I’m  a regular girl.

I mean, I am a regular  girl to most of the world. That much is true.

But shouldn’t we all have the small group that treats us like we are  irregular?

OK, well maybe that wasn’t the  word I was looking for, but you get what I mean!

To this friend I am usually Chula. Sometime  Mami.

I don’t even know what  either one means, but I can tell they are good by how he says  them.

And I used to push those people  away and try to convince others to treat me special.

Until I learned to recognize the good around me. Recognize and  accept it. No longer chasing what I did not need.

Like with my father for instance. I chased after that love for  years. And it was just not to be.

And  while I was busy doing that, I was missing out on so many of the joys of  life.

Joy that was there all  along.

Joy that I could not see because I  was turned around running in the wrong direction.

You may cross the finish line if you run backwards long enough, but  you’ll never win the race.

I’ve got a football game  to go to Friday.

Then I go to a UFC fight  on Saturday.

We might squeeze a Ranger  game in on Sunday, and then I go to the Olympia next  week!

My, what a difference a few years  can make!

I don’t have to look back very  far to find a time when I would have worded it more like  this…

I have an icky football game, a hot  baseball game, and a gross bodybuilding show. And don’t even talk to me about a  fight! That is out of the question!

So…what made the difference?

My son is now on the football team.

Magically, someone you love on the field can make you an instant fan  of any sport. Go Bulldogs!

And baseball  is not quite as hot anymore. It’s amazing how losing a hundred pound coat will  cool you off! I enjoy going just to sit there and not sweat! I don’t even have  to have a drink to cool me down!

Those  UFC Fights aren’t bad either, because my sons enjoy them. I will never forget  the excitement in the faces and voices of my sons that first fight. The tickets  were expensive. The trip was expensive. But the experience was  priceless.

And those bodybuilding  shows…

What made me change my  mind?

Truly, I remember looking at my  first mag and finding it all odd.

But I  would look.

Eventually, I bought one just  to learn some new exercise.

I found  myself going back for more new exercises.

One by one the lifters started catching my  eye.

What once was strange became what I  couldn’t get enough of!

And all of these  changes occurred because I stepped outside my box!

I went to things and tried things with an open mind and came away  with new love and appreciation for what I did not previously  understand.

When I’m sitting in that  auditorium barely a week from now, I don’t think I will be sitting there  thinking, “I wish I had stayed in my box.”

Box over there…auditorium full of hot oiled up men in thongs over  here.

Really…you should get out and try  something new today.

You have no idea  where you might end up!

But…

There were a few I told because there would be trouble if I  didn’t!

I sent out a quick  letting-you-know message to two of the people who needed to know. Simply because  I knew I would be in trouble if they saw my damaged car and I had not told  them.

The responses could not have been  more different.

One responded with, “Are  you OK?”

The other with, “Is your car  OK?”

HMMM…

I answered the first right away. I didn’t want him to worry. And the  whole reason I told him in the first place was because he would know anyway! He  just always knows.

The  second?

I just let it hover  there.

Unanswered.

I really wasn’t  sure how to answer him.

I mean, do I say,  “Yes. My car made it just fine. Thanks for asking?”

To be honest, it stung just a little bit.

But a few minutes later he sent me a text at work that said, “Answer  your E-mail.”

Yeah…we do each other that  way!

And then I looked at my work E-mail  and there was a message there too. Basically asking the same thing, in the same  insensitive way.

But…

I stopped and thought it  through.

I considered his consistency in  checking.

And I just had to chalk it up  to the fact that the man just didn’t know how to ask.

Because some people just don’t, y’all!

And I was glad I had not responded to his first message  yet…

Yet, I tell  you!

Y’all want to think I let that one  go, but I did not!

After the text and the  work E-mail, I went back to that first message of the day and replied, “The car  is fine. I am sore.”

Then came the  call!

I got my point  across!

And you know, I could have gone  ahead and answered him right off the bat.

But somewhere in there, it mattered to me the way he asked. Basic  human kindness always matters to me.

And  I can hold off on answering any questions until it is  displayed!

But just for fun, today I will  send him a message asking, “Is your car OK?”

Yesterday,  mine said:

Sometimes when our friends  see us making serious progress towards our goals, they get a little upset  because they think they might be losing us. This may be what is beginning today  Virgo, in terms of their irritation. There could be one of two things happening  with them: either they have lower standards and don’t want to change, or they  are trying to make changes themselves but suffer from a fear of losing the old  reliable comfort zone. There are two things you can do: either let them go or  pull them up with you. At least you have a choice that does not compromise your  own goals. They might tell you that it’s lonely at the top, but the truth is  that it’s not: it’s just more crowded at the  bottom.

I thought about those words  for a while.

That last part got  me.

They might tell you that it’s  lonely at the top, but the truth is that it’s not: it’s just more crowded at the  bottom.

I thought about the struggles  I went through to make it to this point in my life.

And I thought about the friendships I have lost along the  way.

Yes. I have lost  some.

I lost some when I ceased to be fun  to eat out with, because I only ordered healthy food.

Others when I decided to turn some of my friend time into gym  time.

And believe it or not, I even lost  a few over this Blog!

Keeping this Blog  keeps me grounded.

Accountable.

So, I keep  it.

There have been times I arrived late  or left early to make sure I did got it written.

And two friends in particular did not like this new  habit.

Not at  all.

They see it as  pointless.

Pointless, because it doesn’t  mean anything to them.

Although it  should, because it means I am happy!

And  one of those two wants…to write.

But has  yet to put the pen to the paper or the fingers to the  keyboard.

But what did that horoscope  say?

There are two things you can do:  either let them go or pull them up with you.

I tried for a long time to pull some people with  me.

But when I have to pull, that means  I’m turned around backwards.

Dug in. 

At a standstill. 

Trying so hard to pull, that I am no  longer pushing forward.

And while it  hurts to let go, it would hurt more to let go of  myself.

Some choices are not easy to  make, but at least there are choices to be had.

This is from my horoscope:

They might tell you that its  lonely at the top, but the truth is that it’s not: it’s just more crowded at the  bottom.

I may have to Blog about that for tomorrow!