Adina’s Cute & Perky Blog!

Now, that doesn’t sound like something you should have to try to do, but for me it was.

It was a small, indoor one…

And it wasn’t meant for a woman my size.

One of my truly humiliating moments along the way.

My ex thought I wasn’t allowed to ride, because we didn’t pay extra for me to ride with Micah.

But I had heard the bell go off.

And I saw it in the operators face as he walked over to me.

I cut him off before he could say it or my ex could hear it.

“I can’t ride, can I? I need to get off, don’t I?”

He was a teenage boy trying to be kind. He had a look somewhere between compassion and laughter. He didn’t laugh at me then, but I know he did later when he told his friends.

And I could not blame him.

I was allowed to stand next to Micah as he rode, but I was not on one of the animals.

It was the longest ride of my life.

Longer than any drive I had ever taken.

I have driven from Nebraska to Texas in one day, but somehow, this seemed longer.

When the ride stopped, my ex was waiting to get Micah at the exit.

“That was rude. I can’t believe he didn’t let you ride.”

“It was because of my size, Marty.”

“No. It couldn’t have been. I think it was because we didn’t…”

I cut him off, not wanting to hear it. “I know the reason.”

And I walked on.

Past the sporting goods store where I could have gotten clothes to work out in.

Past the bookstore, with aisle after aisle of books, CD’s, DVD’s, and magazines to give me hope when there was none to be found right then.

And past the health food store with food to heal my body, my soul, and my broken spirit.

And like an alcoholic thinks he needs a drink, and an addict needs his next high, I stopped at The Great American Cookie Company.

I needed my fix.

And I didn’t just get any old cookie.

I got a Double Doozy.

Two giant chocolate chip cookies with icing in the middle.

Eaten quickly and washed down with a Large Dr. Pepper.

A quick snack that easily hit over a thousand calories.

And before I knew it, my stomach was too stuffed to feel anything but the feeling of fullness I just created.

I could not think of shame, humiliation, or embarrassment with a stomach that stuffed and that miserable.

And that walk would last several more years.

We all have defining moments. Moments that click in our head and make us say, “A-ha! I get it! I got it! I understand it!”

That could have been the one for me.

Could have been.

But it wasn’t.

I let an a-ha moment! simply remain a bad day.

Those moments are all around. They abound.

They scream at us through our ear muffs.

Some are disguised as bad days, horrible memories, or even pity parties.

But they are there, if we choose to accept them.