Don’t Be Lazy!
I can’t really tell you why.
He had to walk over rocks…and sticks…and stickers to get to my car. You would think this necessitates shoes, but putting them on just wasn’t worth the effort for him.
Oh, he had them.
They were in his hands, so we put them in the trunk.
You know, it was late, and he would have had to untie them to put them on.
See…trouble!
Midway home, he springs the news on me that he needs a disposable camera for the very next day.
Church camp.
Now, this is not a big deal. I want him to have fun and take pictures. Gives me more fun things to write about and yes, I know, more therapy to pay for in the future!
But it’s 9:30PM in a town that shuts down tight at 9:00! If you have a hankering for something after 9:00, you best go on to bed!
Oh, yeah.
And I’m in a swimsuit. I forgot to mention that, didn’t I?
But, you know…it was just too much trouble to put my dry clothes on. I was just going to run pick Jonah up from his dad’s.
And of course, Jonah’s step brother comes out helping him carry his bag for camp.
And there I stand, in all my swimsuit glory!
At least it’s one of those good ones that holds everything in. It works better than sucking in and holding your breath at the same time!
Y’all. I ain’t gonna lie. It’s the best swimsuit ever made!
So, anyway…
We pull into a gas station. Our only chance of getting a camera. As I put the car in park, I say, “Jonah, run in and see if they have one.”
“Have what?”
“A CAM-ER-A?!”
“Mom! I don’t have shoes on!”
Amazingly he was able to walk through grass, sticks, and all things of nature a few minutes earlier, but this he cannot do.
So it’s my job, as his mom, to snap him into reality.
“Jonah. I’m in a swimsuit. Do you REALLY want me to go in there?”
Sadly, I would have, y’all! I have no shame.
But I just had to laugh when he looks at me in utter panic and says, “What are we going to do? Should we wait until the morning?”
And…OK. We were to be at the church at 5:30 in the morning. Mama ain’t getting up early enough to grab a camera on the way.
So I take off my flip flops and say, “Here. Wear these. They’re unisex.”
And y’all. They weren’t.
He knew it, and so did I.
And I did feel bad when I peered through the window at him. I just said a quick Dear-God-please-don’t-let-them-look-at-his
-feet prayer.
He comes back out with news that is both good and bad.
They have one.
But I pay with my debit card, I’m still in a swimsuit, and Jonah has my shoes on. I’m going to have to call that one 0 for 3.
And he’s just standing there looking at me.
So I go to the trunk and get my contingency workout pants from the car. By contingency I mean, in case there are no pants any other place in the free western world that fit and are clean and I MUST exercise right that very second.
And so, in the parking lot of the gas station I put those nasty pants that have seen not better days, but better years, over my swimsuit.
And no, they did not match in any way, shape, or form.
And of course, next I have to tell Jonah to take off my unisex flip-flops!
They go from his feet to mine. He is once again barefoot.
God love him, in complete bewilderment he utters, “Now what do I do?”
“Well. If it were me, I’d sit in the car, lock the doors, and hunker down really low in case someone you know drives by and sees your mother dressing in front of the gas station.”
The color drains from his face, and he does just that. I mean to tell you he hunkered low!
And offering no explanation to the attendant, I walk in with my head held high and bought the camera!
All of this brought about because I was too lazy to put on my dry clothes, and Jonah too lazy to put on his shoes.
So whatever you think you are too lazy to do today, just do it.
Do it, or you’ll end up barefoot at the gas station with a swimsuit on.
And there really are no winners there.
