Las Vegas
Fourth grade.
My dad had been away from us all summer long.
He was due to come home, and I was so excited!!!! Three months is a long time for a child to go without seeing her dad.
The morning drug on.
Then the hour of his expected arrival.
The hour passed, and I stood there.
Two hours.
Then three.
Then it was bed time, and still no sign from him.
And I still stood there.
Thirty years have come and gone since that day.
He never did show, nor did he call.
The last time I heard of him, he was stopped for a traffic ticket in Las Vegas, Nevada. By this time I was pregnant with my second child.
He was told he was listed as a missing person, but as an adult you can choose to remain missing.
And he did.
But life goes on.
And in just a few days I will set foot in Las Vegas for the first time in my entire life.
That was always the place.
The place he chose over me. He had always said he would run to there, and that ticket says he did.
But that is not why I am going. I am going to celebrate 16 years with the grandchild he has never met, and 13 years with the one who was in my belly the last time I knew where he was.
And when I get off that plane, for a split second I will wonder if we are breathing the same air. Are we both in this place?
But whether we are ten feet or ten thousand miles apart, we are not breathing the same air.
The life he could not face, handle, or deal with is the life I cherish, embrace, and enjoy.
And when I’m at that fight, between two boys who love me, waiting to see gobs of Vaseline packed into open wounds, I will wonder what it must be like to miss out on every good and simple pleasure this world has to offer.
I will peer at the face on either side of me and marvel that this brings them joy.
And then I will smile and have no regrets, because what more could a girl want than to be so loved?
I have no control over the hand I was dealt in this world, but I do choose whether or not I fold or I play.
And I choose to play….hard!
And I better get to see some serious blood at that fight, y’all! I’m not here for my health!
