Adina’s Cute & Perky Blog!

Good morning people!!!  I’m throwing something different out there today!  I enter a writing contest on the MD website every month.  This was my September entry!  Pretty much the only rule is that it is under 500 words.  And as you can tell by the ending…I’m not ALWAYS so perky.  Just most of the time!!!

So, here you go…

Shut-up and Lift

Having lost a lot of weight I have fielded quite a few questions and comments along the way, but the single weirdest comment came from a man I rarely speak to.

He is the epitome of why God created IPods. He insists on having deep, meaningful conversations with everyone who walks by him, blissfully unaware of the bitch-slapped faces staring painfully back at him.

Oh, it’s bad for the newbies. The ones who haven’t learned to just keep exercising, looking straight ahead. Don’t even nod. And for goodness sakes, don’t ever reply to him.

My first meeting with the man taught me well. I was late getting back to work after my lunch time gym session, because he would not stop talking.

But let me tell you the comment this Chatty Cathy said that stopped me dead in my tracks. I casually walked by, ignoring him as I had grown accustomed. He says to me, “You may have noticed a woman staring at you yesterday.”

No. I had not. Being a woman, I don’t tend to notice when a woman looks my way. I suppose if Angelina Jolie looked my way, I might notice. She’s hot. But this woman was no Angelina. She was just your average woman. And no, I did not notice her.

I didn’t answer. I kept walking. I must admit the next phrase made me slow my pace a little. “That was my ex-wife.”

Hmmm. Wasn’t expecting THAT phrase.

“I brought her here to see you.”

What? See me? Not introduce me, but see me? Hmmm. Where could this possibly be going? Dare I say it? The insufferable bore had peaked my interest. Why would someone bring their ex-wife to see another woman? It just didn’t add up.

Then came the clincher: “I wanted her to see what you look like. It’s not that I think she should look just like you, but she should at least try.”

Immediately, I was enlightened as to why this was an EX-wife. It’s like the clouds parted and I heard the voice from above telling me.

OK, before I go any further, let me tell you what this man looks like. Flabby. My face gets that constipated look just thinking about how to describe him. The gaping half-dollar sized whole that is his belly button stares at you through his size large under armor on a size XXXL body. Rolls of fat tease you. Telling you to just try not to look. Yet you can’t help but stare and wonder why this man has deprived some deserving man of this nice white shirt.

But he was missing the point. He will never motivate one woman to look like another. Besides that, we are so genetically different, surgery and surgery alone would be the only way to make our physiques match in any way, shape, or form.

And my only piece of advice I had had to offer him?

Shut-up and lift.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 13th, 2008 at 4:13 am and is filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.