Okay. So I know that my life should not be dictated by the scale, but the damn thing won’t budge. I mean come on. I’ve been working out consistently for the last three weeks, I’ve really cleaned up my diet, but nothing. I don’t even feel like I look that much different either. I do feel much better however, and I think that has a lot to do with eating cleaner. And now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty much bloat free for a while. It’s just so hard to keep pushing myself and eating the same things everyday and not see improvement immediately.  I know what y’all are thinking. I must give it time, and considering how small I am, I shouldn’t even expect large gains. I shouldn’t be impatient. That’s how I am though. I’m just gonna keep doin what I’ve been doin. Just feeling better is reason enough not to run for the oreos. Stuff like that doesn’t even sound appealing to me anymore.

 On a side note, this weekend I have to spend twenty minutes in a fast food restaurant. In my sociology class we’re learning how to be better observers and according to the prof you can tell a lot about a person by how they eat. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna scarf down any Mickey D’s. I do think I should buy something because I’m taking up the space. It’s not like I’m gonna have time to eat anyway because I have to take detailed notes. Coffee. I’ll buy a coffee. Anyway wish me luck, and the strength to stay away from the fries.

So we went to visit with my boyfriend’s parents yesterday. His birthday was this week so they offered to make us dinner. I had no delusions that this was going to be a clean eating experience but I certainly ate more than I bargained for. As soon as she came in the door his mom put a brownie in my hand. Of course I know it is my responsibility to refuse such offers with tact and grace, but it’s so much easier just to eat the damn thing then to spend the next few minutes going back and forth on me being such a little thing and how a few sweets won’t hurt me. We had chips and salsa for an appetizer (while watching Ronnie Coleman on Youtube mind you) and I ate plenty of that, so I only had one helping of everything for dinner, and you would have thought I slapped them in the face. My remarks about how full I was were poo pooed. We did manage to take a walk with his dad around the block following dinner but as soon as we returned we were met with cake and ice cream. A week’s worth of dieting down the drain. So what do I do? I can’t just not go over there (believe me, I’ve tried). How do I refuse cheats without looking like the stuck-up girlfriend?

Okay. If they had some sort of support group for people who can’t overcome their Crystal Light habits, I would be the first one to sign up. I know that pure water is what my body craves, but my mouth gets so bored sometimes. I’ve read a little on how splenda and other sugar substitutes can have a negative impact on the body, but will it really stifle my fitness goals? Everything in moderation I know, but it’s so hard when Crystal Light makes so many wonderful flavors, and when I have every one of those flavors in my cabinet I’ve finally kicked my diet coke habit (I think) this is just one little hill to climb, I’m just trying to figure out if it’s really worth going up.

So the teeth-pullin went well seeing as how I’m alive to talk about it, although it’s kind of hard to even do that given whenever I move my jaw more than a centimeter it hurts like the dickens. But I’m a trooper (especially considering I have drugs ) It needed to be done so I’m glad I could do it, otherwise who knows what I would have looked like, teeth grownin out of my face maybe lol. Eating has been especially difficult, mostly mashed potatos and soup. I threw in a little rainbow sherbet too. Mmm. The doctor told me I couldn’t do any working out until I was pain meds free. I think I’ll be good by Saturday but then again it might be wise to just start up again on Monday. We’ll see how I feel.

Okay, my mouth really, but face just sounds so much more dramatic. I’m getting three of my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow and I am feeling overwhelmingly dreadful about it. I don’t like dentists (or any doctor for that matter) I don’t like the whole process of some strange person probing my mouth for problems. I know for some dentists aren’t really a big deal, but they’ve always been a signal of impending doom for me. My anxiety has manifested itself in me bingeing the last two nights and for some reason both of those binges were centered around cheese. I know the body often craves what it lacks. Maybe my body needs more calcium or more fat? I’ve only been gathering a rough estimate of my macros for the past week or so but I guess a more in-depth analysis is in order. Right now I’m gonna clamp my mouth shut and watch the biggest loser. Wish me well and hope that the doctor doesn’t sneeze while he’s performing the extration and I come out with a hole in my lip.

I went to a friend’s birthday party last night. I had planned on being the DD, but once I got there I decided to drink a little since I hadn’t in a while. Well, I did drink a little and then a little more, just enough to cloud my better judgment because before you know it we’re on a road trip to Waffle House. (Don’t worry, I didn’t have the keys)  And now today I pay. The sad part is that I don’t have a hangover from the alcohol, oh no, it is the sausage, egg and cheese wrap that has me feelin all ick. I’m sure my body is terribly confused. I feed it such good stuff all week and then all of sudden I assault it with grease. And to think, I used to eat like this all the time. There was a period last year right before finals that I ate garbage from one fast food joint or another every night and never made the connection that I felt miserable because of all the junk I was eating. So today I will just chill out, drink a lot of water, and read my oxygen nutrition special to refocus myself. Today is supposed to be a lifting day, but I think I might reschedule that for tomorrow which is usually my off day. Oh, and I’m supposed to go out to eat with my boyfriend’s parents tomorrow so I think I better go look up the menu so I can plan my meal in advance. I’ve had enough cheats for the week.

Today was my second lifting day for the week. I was a little nervous about doing any leg work because my quads were still sore from yesterday, but I was able to power through. I also did chin ups today. I’m still in need of a little assitance (okay a lot) when it comes to chins and pull ups but I want to get a lot stronger in that area. I guess I should make unassisted pull-ups one of my long-term goals.

My eating is going pretty well. No major slip ups although there was a close one last night when the bf came home. I almost surcame to the gods of fast-food but resisted and had a spoonful of fat-free sugar-free chocolate pudding instead. I’ve heard that if you wait at least 15 minutes after you get a craving it usually subsides. I think I should keep this in mind the next time I’m tempted by the golden arches. I still haven’t decided on a specific diet. I think if I get too restrictive and start counting everything that it might spark more desire in me to cheat. I used to track everything with fitday. Right now it wouldn’t be so bad but once school starts up I know I’m not gonna wanna spend precious daylight hours tallying up the macros. What to do, what to do.

So as I predicted I am sore from yesterday’s workout, mostly in the quads. It’s actually been a while since I’ve been this sore and I take it as a sign I put in hard work yesterday.  So, I guess I’ll just smile through the wincing. Today was cardio day. Normally, I like to put in minutes on your standard gym equiptment, but I thought my legs would hate me if I made them suffer through a stair-climbing session. Instead, I opted to stay home and pop in a kick boxing DVD. I used to think this was a good alternative, but I guess I’m just too advanced now for beginner/intermediate DVDs In the end though it was probably best seeing as how my legs could use more rest. Hopefully they’ll be close to normal in time for tomorrow’s workout and in the mean time, I’ll perform my housework more vicorously to add to the day’s calorie burnage and look up some more advanced DVDs online.

So I have to say thank you to all the kind people who have welcomed me to the site. Who knew bodybuilders could be so friendly  

I got my workout in this morning. I increased the weight on several of my lifts which always makes me happy but it can also be difficult at times for me. I know a lot of y’all are probably proponents of ‘mind of matter’ especially when it comes to lifting. I also believe that positive thinking is key for any kind of success. Still, it seems like I psyche myself out a lot when it comes to lifting heavy. Part of it is because I am more concerned with form than I am with weight, but the other part stems from my belief that I’m not very strong. This belief is constantly with me when I’m working out. I know in my mind that I can add some lbs to whatever I’m doing but I’m often held back by these negative thoughts. It’s to the point where when I’m lifting something heavier than usual I don’t know if it seems impossible because it’s actually too heavy for me, or if it’s simply me not pushing past my comfort zone. I certainly don’t want to be one of those girls curling the 5lb dumbbells, but at the same time I can’t seem to make myself pick up a 25lb. I know that if I want to continue to make gains I need to get over this, and I will…eventually.

I thought I should write a little bit since I can’t seem to add in some of the background information on my profile for some strange reason. Any how, um, I’d tell you my name but I’m not sure how safe that is on here yet so I’ll hold out for now. I’m 23-years-old and am starting my second year as a grad student at OSU. I started lifting last year but have yet to truly dedicate myself so I’ve only had minor results. Hopefully with the help of this blog and other memebers I can finally change that around. I’m looking forward to any feedback that I might get from y’all. I’m just ready to start my journey