The problem with people knowing I compete
Generally I love to tell people that I am a figure competitor. I’m proud of it, some may even say it defines me, which is a way it does. I love to sit down with someone who has never heard of the sport and explain what it is I do. I love to explain why I get up in the morning at 5 a.m. to go to the gym and head back again after work. I love to boast about the strength and determination of competing and how it isn’t just another bikini contest, it’s something more. It’s something both physical and mental and it’s something that not too many people could do – though the sport is growing by leaps and bounds.
But here’s the problem. In my off-season, I feel like a fraud. In order to gain muscle, you have to gain weight, right? Yes, I know that – you can’t build muscle if there isn’t nay fat to work from. But that doesn’t stop me from hating the way my body looks in the off-season. You notice I resist posting pictures of myself in the off-season, because I’m embarrassed about how I look. I don’t want people looking at me and saying that I shouldn’t be a competitor. I don’t even have an ab in the off-season. That’s tough. I feel like people are constantly judging how I look because I look so fit right before a show – even in the leaning down process I look good. It gives me so much more confidence too. And because people know what I look like during season, it’s hard to gain weight back and continue to think people like what I look like in the off season when I don’t like it.
People tell me all the time I look no different than I did when I was on stage 8 weeks ago, but that’s so untrue. I am about 15 lbs heavier and my thighs actually rub together when I walk naked. Ugggh. And I DEFINITEYL DO NOT feel at all sexy. And if I don’t feel sexy, how am I supposed to think my husband finds me sexy.
And I feel like a fraud. So many people friend me here on Bodyspace and say wow – you look amazing or something like that when they don’t even know what I look like right now in my off season. How am I supposed to feel like I am being honest at all? It’s such a mental sport. One I am proud to say I compete in during my on-season, but off season – eek!
May 29, 2008 at 6:37 am
Hey it is what it is, I’m sure you still look spectacular, just not competition shape and that isn’t bad. It’ll drive you half nuts trying to stay comp lean year round and you would (in my opinion- I know others may and will disagree) miss out on a lot of other good stuff. And worrying about not being "perfect" when you trying to make yourself better isn’t good either, just doesn’t work. Besides, 15 lbs isn’t much, hell, I can do that in water weight lol. Anyway, hope things go better for you, just keep your head up and doing what you’re doing.
May 29, 2008 at 6:43 am
You know, I read an article once in Oxygen magazine on how to "deal with" an off season physique. I wish I could remember the issue. Cathy Savages name somehow pops into my head. You are inspirational!
May 29, 2008 at 6:48 am
I’m sure your husband still thinks you are sexy, even if you don’t have an ab. Sexy has a lot to do with attitude also. If he didn’t think you were sexy in the offseason, he likely wouldn’t have married you. Keep your chin up.
May 29, 2008 at 6:49 am
You know your limits, why worry about the off season weight. As long as you have it under control and know how to toss those 15 pounds when you want to. Thats all that matters. Don’t think too much about it. Enjoy life and don’t be over thinking. Stay motivated, focussed, and never lose sight of your goals.
Dave
May 29, 2008 at 7:01 am
I’m not sure what body fat % you get down to or compete at, I’ve seen some people that don’t get too far out from being very lean. ChickenTuna and amysuds look competition ready all the time, I’ve also seen some bodybuilders mention that they don’t get too crazy with bulking. I’d say if you feel that bad you should maintain a lower body weight or body fat level, how you feel is more important than any of your competitions all together. Life should be enjoyed, and fitness & health should be fun and exciting not a huge burden. These are my opinions and everybody is entitled to one, so don’t think I’m some kind of jerk, I’m just trying to help! Good luck at your goal and God bless you and yours! I hope you find what works best for you!
Sincerely,
Brett
May 29, 2008 at 7:18 am
Fat does not turn into muscle so you do not have to get"fat" to put on muscle.But have to eat and you may not be as lean or cut but so what! Competition condition is just that..for a competition. It is not exactly a healthy way to be.And I am sure there are many other great things that can define you other then how you look. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
May 29, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Thank you so much to everyone who commented on this post. I really appreciate the support and advice. It helps me stay on track.
June 11, 2008 at 8:33 am
Hey Wendy! Sorry it has been awhile since I have visited your page girl!
I know EXACTLY how you feel! Feeling it for the first time this year…as this was my first competition…but as a personal trainer…all eyes are always on me!
There are times when i’m ‘human’ and eating a little more carbs than I should be…or trying to get some more muscle growth too…and you can see the ‘oooo she gained 10lbs’ look in peoples eyes! Or just in comments.
Dont be hard on yourself! This is part of being a Figure girl! Part of being someone who trains muscles! Part of being someone who is an athlete!
Be proud of yourself that you have what it takes to do both off season and on season!! That you have the kind of determination needed to be able to put on muscle…and then shed fat to lean out for show!! If it were easy…everyone would do it!
It is as much a mental game as a physical one!! And both aspects of self need to be strong!!
Keep at it girl!! Your an inspiration!! And those of us who know this game…know what it takes to make it in it!!