A figure competitor’s path

You know, I realized tonight that I have used this blog more for negativity than positive just mainly because when I’m hungry or sad, it helps to write it down and it gets my mind off reality for a moment or two. But I did want to say that this contest prep has so much positive too. It is so mentally challenging and always good to know that I can continue to push my body past the normal limits of ordinary people and I am proud to share that with everyone.

I’ve just been surrounded a lot by negativity lately and I wanted to make sure that you all know that this contest prep is positive for me. Because I am the first one to say that if you hate what you’re doing then don’t do it. Nobody is making you - forcing you to diet and work out like a maniac. Pretty much you need to love to do it and if you don’t then you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. Period. I admire anyone who has listened to me and I appreciate all the support everyone has given me and if you’ll all just bear with me, I could use your help to make it through the next 4 weeks! But seriously - if I get to be too much or this is too much of a complaint postings, just slap me up the side of the head and remind me that I am only doing this because I love it. For NO OTHER REASON!

I can’t guarantee that it is all going to be positive - especially in the next coming weeks, but rest assured that I love what I do and I would advocate it to anyone who is looking for a challenge. And know that I am not a negative person by nature. But with the ups and downs of life comes a certain sense of negativity and I hope that that has not teken over this. I was hoping at the beginning of this, it would be a blog about my journey, both my ups and my downs. Sometimes funny, sometimes depressing, but what my heart is feeling and when it is feeling it and I hope that I conveyed that sense to everyone.

I love this sport and I can’t wait to get on stage in 4 weeks and share it again! Besides… my body is looking kick ass and I still have 4 weeks to go!!!! Hey - if I can’t be proud of the abs, what is there?

Or crazy… I am wide awake but so very tired. You know, I have actually been sleping pretty well through all this, which is new for me, I usually have more nights like this when i am compting that I just don’t sleep, but it still frustrates me because I feel lilke the only person in the world who is awake right now. Oh well, Guess contest nerves are just strarting to get to me. I would like some sleep though, but considering it is 3 am it would not be within my benefit to take anything because I would never get up tomorrow or today anyways… Guess I’ll just have to try again tonight.

OK - So I am at the point that I just want to start living like a normal person right now. I think I am going to puke if I see another piece of chicken. Seriously. I just don’t think I could do it again today! By the way for anyone keeping track… I DID NOT MAKE THE PEPSI CAKE LAST NIGHT!

You know, the funny thing is that I am probably ready to get on stage and do well. I don’t think I would win right now, but I do think I would do ok. But that’s why I keep pushing because I do want to win. If I can stay steady for 4 more weeks then I should be ok. I want to be a lean mean figure machine, but I’ll take just a lean figure machine.

I’m getting kinda tired though. These workouts are getting harder and harder to push through and every pound or percent of body fat is just so much blood sweat and tears - literally! I cried for a minute today. I can’t wait to be normal again and eat normal again and go out normal again. I’m ready for this journey to be finished and see where I place! Let’s go!

It’s delicious! It’s just a can of diet pepsi and a chocolate cake mix and you bake it for the same cooking instructions that are on the box. That’s what I am thinking about tonight and I almost made one, but I knew if I did, I may actually eat the entire thing and I didn’t want to do that.

I really want to be ready for my show in 4 weeks. I don’t want to have to push myself that last week. I’d like to be ready so I can rest up to be on stage. Everyone is feeling the pressure now. My 3 a day workouts are kicking my butt, but I am doing ok with it. I am just waiting for the weight to fall off, ok, slide off, ok, just kinda go off little by little because that’s all it’s going to do right now!

I am trying to focus on anything else right now, which is pretty much why I am writing this mindless blog. Boring you I’m sure, but I am keeping my mind off the chocolate cake mix that I have in the cupboard. I think I will probably shower and go to bed. I am not sure if the morning workout is going to happen because it is crazy bad outside, we’re in the process of getting an ice storm which won’t make for a great commute. I am kinda hoping that work gets cancelled and I can just stay home all day and sleep and train, but it’s Buffalo and work never closes! Oh well. Guess we could all use a mental health day too.

Anyhow, good luck to those out there getting ready for a show. Just keep reminding yourself you are strong and you can do this. I keep telling myself I am strong and I won’t cave into the food. I am chewing gum and keeping my mind off this. I am strong, I am strong!

OK - AMAZING weekend at the Arnold! I learned so much in the day and a half I was there, I barely know where to begin. Let me first say that the 4 other amazing women I traveled with are just that, amazing. I had a blast with each and every one of them and each and every one of them can become a lifelong friend.

Which takes me to lesson #1 from Arnold…These women are stong and beautiful and amazing. BUT everyone has their own insecurities and hang ups and we should learn to use them for us, not against us. It also helps to talk them out with somebody who listens. Fuel yourself with people around you who understand what you are going through. Because sitting in the audience, I know I have far more appreciation for the women on stage than I did before I began competing. And they have something like 7% body fat. I just want to get to 10%!!!

 Lesson #2 - What I feared may be my biggest weakness could actually be my biggest strength… my legs. Every time I look in the mirror, I wish my legs would be straight up and down, but guess what? Those women who were winning on stage didn’t have straight up and down legs, or even hips for that matter. They had curve and muscle and I just need to learn how to accept that and make it an asset instead of a weakness.

Lesson #3 - don’t spend tons of money on tanning before the show! Just use Jan Tana, apply it, 2 coats the day before the show, one in the morning and one in the evening and then if need by a third coat the morning of the show. You’ll be a beautiful dark color.

Lesson #4 - I just want to share all the info I have and relay this passion to anyone who wants to listen. I want this to be my livelyhood eventually and i want to make it a career. I don’t necessarily ever have to win a pro show or even be the best in amateur to know what I am talking about and teach people what I already know.

 Lesson #5 - 5 weeks out and I am going to give it all I have and more and step on stage with the amazing team of women I train with knowing that no matter what the outcome is, I did everything I could to prepare for this show and I have no regrets. NONE!

 Kell, Jess, Linds, Dee, if you read this - you guys rock! I had a blast with you and I love you all! I can’t wait to do it again next year!