A figure competitor’s path

I’m frustrated and angry and annoyed right now. And it may seem like a simple little thing to anyone who truly doesn’t understand, but it’s no small thing for me. As I wrote in a previous blog, I hurt my bicep probably going on 2 years ago while I was doing a pull-up. Well I just recently began doing pull-ups again. Just yesterday Terry actually integrated them into my workout as a part of my back exercises.

He holds me – it’s not like I am lifting my entire weight. Well – today, it’s sore again. And I know I have to tell him and I know that means that I won’t be able to do any more pull-ups, but why? This sucks. It’s been 2 freaking years and again I have to stop doing what I want to do because of it. Then part of me struggles to say that maybe I shouldn’t tell Terry and let it rest and keep doing them, but that’s just going to do me more harm than good.

All the other girls I train with slam out these pull-ups like they’re nothing and I can’t even do 15 measly ones without getting too sore. IT’S BEEN 2 YEARS! GIVE ME A BREAK HERE!

I just wonder why this thing continues to hurt and what it’s going to take ultimately to heal it. And while I know that’s it’s just a set of pull-ups that I can’t do, it’s a blow to my abilities. Injury or not, I still want to be able to do them.

About 1 and a half years ago, I hurt my bicep doing pull ups. I let my body weigth com edown on it completely and it hasn’t been the same since. For the past year, every time it just seemed to get better, I would strain it again. I never got it looked at so we dont’ really know what i did to it, but all that matters is that we’ve trained around it for the past year.

And that’s tough. I work out with a group of girls, all of whom are doing pull-ups all the time and I have to modify. But - just these past couple days, Terry has granted me permission to do my first pull-ups in almost 2 years. I have done 10 of them in 3 days and guess what? No pain. not that they are going to be a normoal part of my workout now - I have too much to lose if I hurt myself again, but it’s a small victory won!

Almost there. I have to eat whatever I want for the next 3 weeks because it’s go time again. I am so excited to uncover what I’ve done the past year. It’s going to be like slowly opening a gift to reveal what’s underneath the wrap. I can’t wait to take the fat off and see for real what kind of muscle I have really gained this past year. I’m very very curious!

You know, I keep saying how much I have learned about the strength of my mind throughout this process, but I’ve also learned a lot about people in general…

I have made so many friends throughout this journey - some I train with and others that I compete with. Some from other states that are willing to travel in to Buffalo to have a shopping day and some that offer the best support they can online.

The thing about us bodybuilders, figure competitors, we’re all a team - a community all of our own. Because anyone who doesn’t train and compete for this sport doesn’t fully understand it. Except perhaps our spouses and significant others:)

I have my doubts about things and I have my days, but I am always backed up through kind words from my trainer, my team, my friends or even a perfect stranger. Thank you for that. Patti and Chris - you’re awesome and I know you’ve been through this time and time again and your words always encourage me and push me on my way.

 One of my friends who I have never met in person, Robyn, left me this message yesterday so I will leave it for anyone else who may need it. There are some wise words there!

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don’t.

If you like to win but think you can’t,

Its almost certain that you won’t.

<em />

Life’s battles don’t always go

to the stronger woman or man,

But sooner or later, those who win

Are those who think they can.

<em />

If you think you can or you think you can’t,

you’ll always be right.

<em />

Henry Ford

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So I tool the weekend off. After 2 years - I actually took time off for me, not because i had something else going on,. but just because I needed a rest, physically, mentally and emotionally. It was nice. I slept and I relaxed and I shopped and I did what I wanted to do… But ultimately, I missed it so much and I am ready to get back to it tomorrow morning. Full steam ahead, diet season is a month away and I only have a month left to build. Let’s rock it out!

I am 2 weeks out from cleaning up my diet and 4 weeks out from starting the full-blown process for next season. And you know what? For the first time today, I’m scared. I have spent an entire year building to make me the best I can be on stage this season and what if I fail at the diet? I can work out until I’m blue in the face, I’ll work out until all the muscles in my body are screaming in pain, but last season I failed on the diet.

I am so scared it is going to happen again. I can say now that my mindset has never been better. I am going to take the experience of last season and learn from it and push because of it. I don’t want to stand on stage disappointed again with my placing, because I know I can do better. And I know that I have built muscle in the past year - I just hope I have alse built mental strength.

What’s the worst part? This season is going to be right before my wedding. I am getting married 6 days after my last show. How is it that I think I can do this and still be ready for my wedding? I’m so focused on competing now that I don’t think too much about the wedding. Not that everything isn’t done, because it is - set, booked, have my dress etc. But I worry sometimes because I am not bridezilla. Maybe I should be just a little more. I am more like competitorzilla. I want blood this season and I want to win. I’m going to put blood, sweat and tears into making myself the best I can be when I get on that stage in the fall. Bring it on…

So I worked out Saturday morning and I haven’t done legs in a while just because it’s not a muscle group I need to concentrate on a whole lot. I have a lot of leg and not so much upper body so we usually lightly train legs.

 Well Saturday Terry and I went through a leg workout. When we were finished, Kelley and Kristin showed up for their workout. Well, I had nothing better to do so I figured I would stay around and do some more. So all in all, I had just over a 90 minute leg workout. Ummm… OK - so stairs? Not happening. I can go up them like no one’s business, but to go down them, well, that’s another story! So So Sore! Wow, I am hobbling around like an old 90 year old woman. Feels great!

Oh well - I took the day off, but know what? I think my body needed it. Back to the grind today. Looking forward to another one of Terry’s killer workouts!

Terry took today off from training, something he should do because he never has time to do what HE wants to do, so I am sitting at my computer at 9:44 a.m. wondering if i should just head to the gym and work out on my own. BUT - my fiance had a good point, he asked this morning, when’s the last day you took off. Know what? I can’t remember. We’ve been working so hard that I make completely sure I am there come hell or high water. So what do I do today? Know what? I still don’t know if I’ll go work out or just take the day off. Guess time will tell…

I was at the gym less than 12 hours after I left yesterday for another killer workout. I’m trying to figure out if I’m just dedicated in this last month of building before diet season starts…. or plain obsessed. I eat it, sleep it, dream it, breathe it, live it… Guess I may be a touch obsessed…

 :)