What not to do at the beach
For starters do not forget to pack your stuff.
I was so caught up in packing **** for my kids a few weeks ago that I forgot to pack most of my things. In fact, I packed a skirt, a pair of capri pants, and two dirty shirts (they were packed separately and I planned on washing them at the beach) for a week’s vacation. I had other (clean) clothes on hangers but did not remember to pick them up.
I realized this **** up about a 60 miles down the road. Too late to turn back so I figured I’d just buy one when I got to the beach.
I went to a couple of stores and found a one-piece that I absolutely loved. It was brown and croqueted. I know, I know croqueted **** is for sweaters and other clothes not for wearing to the ocean. I bought the damn thing anyway because I looked good and felt good in it. It was cool.
Even though I did not have enough sense to pack all of my things at least I was able to find something that I liked.
Another what not to do? Do not forget to apply sunscreen E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E!! Everywhere that will be exposed to the sun.
The lovely ensemble I bought to wear at the beach was, in fact, croqueted. The part that covered up these huge-assed boobs of mine (alright they’re only huge if a. you can not see, b. you have no hands of which to touch them, and c. you are not a dwarf) and the part that covers my lady parts and arse had a nude-colored layer of fabric beneath the croqueted part. There was no need to lather on sunscreen for my nether regions. The belly part was exposed to the elements (meaning NO extra fabric beneath the brown).
I did not think to apply any protection to this part :S.
Three hours later when I took the swimsuit off at "home", I realized that I had a sunburn. Oh, what a sunburn it was (and still is). I look ****ing retarded. It looks like I have been branded on my torso. Or that I am trying to convert to an amphibian and become lizardmom. It has a pattern to it which makes my skin look like I have scales. Hella sexy. Um hum, you know that’s right!






August 7, 2009 at 12:55 pm
LMAO!!!! i think a crochet suit is sexy, but i think it might be just for looks!!!
August 7, 2009 at 1:04 pm
so let me get this straight. you have a 6-pack with a cross hatch pattern? did your husband look at you like a juicy steak?
August 7, 2009 at 2:03 pm
ROFL. Take a pic and put it in your progress pics. Please!
August 7, 2009 at 3:21 pm
TDetroit, I have a ****ing 100 pack. There are more cut outs in my stomach than you could imagine.
Boosh, I am working on the progress pics. I’ve got to charge my camera but I’ll get them up there. You’ll see just how damn, um, good (?) I look.