12weekhardbody’s BodyBlog

I once read some genius’s post (TheCrab) about birds.  He said that if a bird ****s on you, then it is good luck.

I’m thirty years old (soon to be 31).

When I was NINE my school had a fire drill.  Naturally the whole school went outside at the same time.  When the officials said that it was safe everyone headed back inside.  On the way inside I was holding out my hand talking and a bird ****ing **** in it :s.  **** In it….In my damn hand….RIght in it…..In my hand.

When I was NINETEEN I was taking an English course during the summer.  For some lovely reason my teacher decided that we’d have class outside.  I was sitting, listening to someone answer a question or what have you and…. it happened again.  Another bird (hell, it might’ve been the same ****ty ass bird) **** on me.  This time was not in my hand but in my mother ****ing hair.  Yep, my hair.  The bird **** in my hair….In my damn hair….Right in it….In my hair.

So (you know where I’m going with this one), today I went to a little girl’s birthday party with my sons and husband.  It was at a huge outdoor playground.  I went to the restroom.  On the way back to my boys and husband I felt a hard drop of something rather familiar.  I reached my hand up and touched my hair.  Wanna guess what was now in my hair AND my ****ing hand??  If you guess BLACK, yes black, bird ****  then you have won yourself a prize (handy wipes).

Now do I consider myself "lucky" because I have been shat upon not once, not twice, but three damn times by a bird?  Me thinks not.  I was apparently overdue on the ****tage though.  The first one happened at age 9.  The second? Age 19.  So statistically speaking I was due for a crapping last year (age 29) but somehow dodged the free-falling dung.  Go figure.

I am a bird turd magnet.  Lucky me-

I was telling my sister-in-law these three true stories today.  We’ve decided that I since I won’t/don’t take **** off any BODY, I am forced to take it from the flying fowl.

Bad news.
I had my body fat percentage tested today and it went up.  

Good news.  
Trainer ****ed up last time with ADDING (dumb ass) so I did, in fact, go down 2% in the past month while maintaining my weight.

Bad news.  
My body fat is 24% (I am cursing my legs).

Good news.  
I think I look damn good to be at 24%.  Should look ****ing awesome at 15%.

Bad News.
If I lose an average of 2% per month I will only be down to 18% in time for the show (highly unlikely to win a figure comp at 18%).

Good News.
I’ll save money this year by not doing the show (will shoot to compete next year).

Great News.
I was a little pissed this morning but luckily I am still seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  I am not going to **** up….I’ll keep moving forward until I reach my goals.

I just spent the last 30 minutes or so looking at some pictures from one of the natural bodybuilding/figure shows from last year.  There were five or so ladies competing in the novice division.  Everyone looked great except for one of them…I don’t want to be that gal.  You know, the one that the audience makes rude comments about while she is on the stage.  

I want to look like I belong on the stage, like I am there to compete and to win.  The competition that I am doing  is this October 10.  That gives me roughly 11 weeks to get this ass stage-ready.  The only thing that would prevent me would be my belly (I have loose skin) and legs (I think I can lean these though).

A few weeks ago I learn from my trainer how to pose my shoulders and lats.  I think I’ve got that **** down!  However, holding the pose is a bitch so I’ll definitely have to work on that.

I’ll be posting some new pics as soon as I can find the cord to the computer.  I am also having my body fat tested on Friday.  I want it to be down to 20% (which may seem like a lot to someone who is going to compete but I’ll get it down!!)

When I got to the gym this morning my trainer moved a recumbent bike in front of the cables.  He set the bike on the "HILL" setting and level 15.  He told me to pedal for 30 seconds.  After those thirty I, then, had to pedal up the ****ing hill (still at level fif-****ing-teen) while doing cable chest press for yet another 30 seconds.  I did this **** for 4 minutes. 4 ****ing minutes.  4 loooonnnnngggg mother ****ing minutes.

When I finished, he said, "Now, go rest and RUN two laps while I put this **** away."  

Rest?  Rest?  Where is the damn rest after that? Assmunch!

Well, you aren’t exactly seated…hands are each gripping a handle and feet are rested on a pad in front of you.  It’s more of a hover.   Anyway,  years ago I could only do my body weight.  Then, I could do them with a 45# plate on my lap.  Yesterday, my trainer stacked 4 45# plates on my legs and I did 8 for 2 sets.  So that’s 180# (I only weigh 125)!   Yup, I am a ****ing beast .  So if I am ever pissing while hovering my body over the toilet with my legs stretched out in front of me and someone weighing 180# give or take sits on my lap (you never know when crazy **** like this is gonna happen) I can get them the hell off of me in time to wipe…I hate drip-drying.

For several months I have been getting up at 4:30am to eat, get ready, and be at the gym by 5:30.  It absolutely sucks even when I do get to go to bed before 10 (I feel for Al who has insomnia).  I was discussing possible evening workouts with my husband.  He suggested that I take our sons to the kid’s care at the gym.  

I have two problems with child care at the gym
1. I DO NOT KNOW THE CAREGIVERS
2. The likelihood of my kids getting sick is increased and therefore so is mine

Does any one have the same issues?  ANy body LOVE taking their kids to the gym while you workout?

The plus side is that my boys would play with someone other than me . They could "exercise" and "grow up"in a gym.  I could sleep later.  They could stay up later.  I could do cardio in the am without having to do weight first.  I think I am slowly talking myself into this…