12weekhardbody’s BodyBlog

It’s true.  I had been doing fairly well with my eating.  I have a habit of bingeing on sweets and today was no exception.  I have to bake 2 cakes for a cake walk at one of my son’s school tomorrow.  I had actually made and froze a cake a couple of weeks ago (it was for my son’s bday- I had baked too many). Instead of doing the smart thing and tossing the bitch in the trash I chose to freeze it.  I saw it in the freezer today and and ate a lot of it.  There I sat on my couch eating like cookie monster,  "NOM.  NOM. NOM."  I did not eat as much of it as I usually would so I was proud of that nor did I eat any cardboard- a very cookie monster thing to do.  Instead of beating myself up this time I am going to consider it a **** up and move on.  I’ll plan the rest of the day better.  Since I have already eaten a shitload of carbs I will only have protein and veggies the rest of the day.  

New topic-
I had a conversation with a friend the other day about my mom.  My mom is supportive about my fat loss in that she will follow my lead on where/what/when  I need to eat on a day when we hang out.  However, she does tell me a lot that I don’t need to lose anything.  I have tries to make her understand that I am happy with my weight and generally speaking my size.  I just want to get rid of fat and fill out loose skin with muscle.  I will still be the same size (hopefully a teeny bit smaller).  I’ll just look and fell better about myself.  Sometimes I think my mom’s comments about my body mess with my mind.  Why even try when I look okay to the outside world?  

It is easier to eat and exercise like everybody else but I don’t want to look like everybody else.  That’s a problem.  I need to believe that I can reach my goals.  I have gotten everything else I have wanted out of life.  I need to believe that my fitness goals are no different.  When I want something I get it.  I will need to have a plan(got it) and stick to the plan(will do it).  Two ladies have already proven that eventually at 15% body fat I can have my cake and eat it too- just don’t eat it like my favorite googley-eyed blue furry monster.  I may need to just suck it up and not cheat until I reach my goals.  Is it really that hard to lose 6.5 more pounds?  What about losing 5-6% body fat?  That could be done in a few months.  I’ve got this.  Write down what I eat and my exercises and reevaluate them to keep making progress.  To keep motivated I should look at magazines and find women on bodyspace that have what I want and know I can get.  Get the husband to jump on board.

So I haven’t gone off the deep end and eaten shit in almost a week.  Absolutely ****ing amazing for me!  I have been watching what I eat and sticking to my nutrition vows.  I have only done two workouts since last Thursday.  In fact I started coughing (just like I am now) during one of my workouts and left early so I wouldn’t get choked and puke.  I am sick and when I get too hot I start coughing.  I am still optimistic and know that eventually I will be able to workout 100% soon.

I do have an orthopedic appointment tomorrow.  My knee is only slightly swollen and basically only hurts when I bend it too far.  I have been trying to stretch it.  I am excited to hear what the MRI results are.

I read the comments from the 2 women who are at 15% body fat.  It is so damn great to read that these girls manage to stay there while eating sweets once or twice a week.  Thanks a lot for the truth!

My goal is to reach 15 % body fat.  I don’t really have the desire (at least now anyway) to compete so I think 15 % is an attainable goal.  Now once i reach it how easy will it be to remain there?  Is it possilble to stay at 15% and still be able to eat sweets?  Oh, I loves me some sugar but I know that I can not eat it all the time.  Sugar is like the shitty "friend" I know I need to get rid of but for some reason I feel like I would not be able to live without.  HAS ANYONE EVER DIED FROM NOT EATING SWEETS?  Well, **** no but it sure can kill ya.  

I have been told to cut out dairy and soy because they bloat you and do not lean you out.  Does that mean that I should never eat these products either?  I just want to know what the sacrifices are to reaching 15%.  Some girls are naturally thin and can gain muscle easy.  I, however, am not one of them.  I am not a big person: I am skinny fat.  I want to have smooth muscular legs and a tight round ass.  

I need to be consistent with everything.  DON’T give up (I tend to do this when I don’t see results). Children learn through consistency and quite honestly I am childlike at times.  I need to believe in myself.  This is easier to achieve when others believe in me as well.  My mom thinks that I am too thin (you’ve not seen pictures yet but will soon) and thinks that a lean muscular body is gross.  I think dimply sagging skin is ****ing gross and do not want to have it.  

If anybody (girls) are 15% give or take and can offer advice then I’d really appreciate it.

I finally read some of the comments that I have received and one in particular has really made a difference in my attitude.  Captain Ahab wrote that I need to commit to my goals just like I have committed to my marriage.  He said that I need to make fitness vows which is something I would not have thought of. Then I won’t be cheating myself. So here are my fitness vows:
-Get to the gym 5 days per week
-While my leg is jacked only do upper body
-Do at least 4 exercises per body part and at least 3 sets of each exercise
-Split 5 days into 2 days of shoulders, 1 day of back, 1 day of chest, 1 day of arms
-Drink at least 12 cups of water daily
-Eat 5 meals per day
-Currently eat only 4 complex carbs per day and no more than 2 fruits
-Eat protein at each meal
-Eat 1 craving meal and 1 craving dessert per week
-If I am not seeing results, then reevaluate every 2 weeks
-Take pictures
These are very attainable goals.  Just knowing that I can have one meal and one dessert to enjoy will help me because it has helped me tremendously in the past.  I do love lifting weights.  It actually helps keep me more focused on nutrition.  When I feel in control of my workouts and nutrition then I am much happier.  
I tend to give up when things don’t go my way.  I need to quit half-assing my goals and bring it.
I also am very excited about the people on my friend list.  I have tried to stalk people that I have something in common and so far it’s working for me.  These are people that I feel can motivate me and that I can do the same.

If you have read my blogs then you know that I jacked my hamstring up a few months ago.  Well, in the middle of August The front of my thigh on the same leg started hurting.  This was and still is very odd because I have not worked my legs out in a while.  I saw my family dr and he said that it is tendonitis.  I saw him on a Monday and by the end of the week I went to the ER.  He thought that I might have a blood clot in my leg.  Well, I had a CT scan of my lungs to look for a clot there. Nope, none there.  I had to have blood thinning shots for 3 days until I could get a doppler of my leg to check for a clot there.  Nope, non there either. I saw an orthopedist and he made me get an MRI of the leg last week.  I won’t get my results until next Tuesday.
So here’s my problem:
I have this shitty habit of eating crap when I don’t feel well.  The effect is only magnified because I also haven’t worked out for almost two weeks.  So, no workouts and bad foods are making me feel awful.  I have eaten okay today and plan to do upper body tomorrow.  I haven’t done any cardio and probably won’t (my leg is still swollen and red).  Is it possible to eat clean, only lift upper body, not do cardio, and lean out?? Can somebody offer me any advice?  I’d really appreciate it.