01012007’s BodyBlog

Thank you dear Lord for this day.

1. woke up alive and still on this earth
2. have two feet
3. my eyes still work
4. my mind is in its rightful place
5. my dog is at my side
6. my husband lives another day
7. warm weather…it’s already 60 degrees outside
8. Internet
9. books
10. my residents

-I didn’t sleep all that well last night so I woke up late. I’m going for a television free weekend. I turned on the television and watched a show called ‘Miami Slice’ about plastic surgery. Of course, the women were gorgeous. For some reason I woke up thinking how fat and horrible I look (I know it’s not true) and how outside the mainstream my look is.

I’ll never be ’skinny’ and I don’t want to be. I look at shows like Top Model and am not envious of them at all. Don’t look healthy to me. Kate Winslet looks healthy to me. Anyhoo, I don’t even like the bodies of people on shows like Work Out. i guess what I want is the attention that slim,pretty girls get in a weird attempt to validate my own beauty. This need to get approval that I’m pretty is what got me into big trouble with a man before I met my husband. I should know better. That kind of beauty is not beauty that lasts. It’s not the kind of beauty that will matter in fifty years. I want to live a long, productive life well into my 100s still working and making a difference in people’s lives. Whether it happens remains to be seen. It’s a Pascal wager of holistic living.

I feel healthy but I know with thirty extra pounds I’m not as healthy as I could be. Does it really matter? If I think I look good, am intelligent and feel good then does having a little belly matter. Yes it’s irritating to see skinny girls get the attention but I’m married. Do I need the attention of thousands of guys OR the undivided attention of my husband.

I needed to get this out because my self image needs a lot of work and attention. It’s gotten me into plenty trouble in the past. Thank goodness for guardian angels. They were working overtime when I met that guy from the internet. Sheesh. Desperation.

Phew I feel a lot of better getting all that poison out. Energy flows where attention goes. Law of attraction. I’m going to keep the focus on fitness and being happy and my eating will come into right order. I do want to get mostly rawfoods into my diet. We’ll see what today brings. Shift is going to be challenging with two aides on and one person helping who doesn’t want to help.

I purchased an exercise bike so I could do cardio on the days when the weather is horrid. Today it’s not bad so I might go for a run before my husband and I go out on the road. I love going to Williamsport because I get a side trip to State College. Reading all the magazines at Barnes and Noble while sipping Starbucks is the highlife.

Anyway, I rode for fifteen minutes on my bike. I want to work up to an hour. Exercising on an empty stomach is a bit challenging but I found myself refreshed and ready for the day.  I followed up with five minutes of rebounding and some stretching. It’ll be the best thing for me weight loss wise.
Breakfast:
Mom’s natural cereal 1 cup (in my teamug which is probably the equivalent of two servings)
slice of wheatbread and 1 tablespoon of Smucker’s natural pb

supplements:

calcium (GNC brand)

two hawthorne berry caps (heart)

arginine

glutamine

vit e

l-carnosine (glycation,stops premature ageing,necessary for vegetarians)

grapeseed extract

-plus getting some good morning lovin’ from my husband. Yeah I know TMI but happy sex is good for you so there!

I’ve been in a plateau so I’ve not written much. I probably should have bee writing. I’ve felt amazing in the past month. It’s just that my weight is not matching my level of good feeling. My bodyfat is hovering around 28/29%. I used a fat caliper to measure yesterday. I think I’m eating at maintainence level and not for weight loss. I’ve cut out a few things so we’ll see what happens. I’ve gone back to morning cardio too and lifting heavy weight. It seems as if I was doing better when I was going heavy rather than the whole cardio/running thing with light weights. Maybe it’s what my body prefers.

Yesterday I cut my back and biceps workout short but I lifted heavy. However, not heavy enough in my opinion. I think my body needs to go heavier.