-JB-’s Perpetual Journey

The New Year is here and soooo many of the millions of resolutions that were made are already dust in the wind.  People make resolutions and are so gung-ho about them at first, then slack back to their old ways oh so quickly.  I do not make resolutions any more.  They’re pointless to me.  Let’s get real here: On January 1st at the stroke of midnight, does life suddenly take a hairpin turn and you instantly become a better person?  Why couldn’t this ‘resolution’ have been made 2 months ago?  What the heck were you waiting for?  Is there something magical about the 1st of the year? 

Change is hard.  Change needs to be thought through and planned out before you put it into action.  Some things need to change gradually (quitting smoking or other bad habits, beginning an exercise program, starting a new diet, etc).  I have already witnessed a crazy amount of folks fall off the wagon and it’s only 11 days into the New Year!  Just one example: A personal friend of mine just started a new workout program as of January 2nd.  Paid for a gym membership and has visited a total of 3 times.  Three times in 9 or 10 days does not get the job done.  Trust me, I let them know how I feel about that.  Change is hard.  There is no magic potion, pill, or spell that can make it any easier for you.  What people don’t seem to understand is that by making a resolution, they are not just changing one tiny thing; they’re making a lifestyle change.  It’s uncomfortable.  It’s different.  And, again, it’s hard.  We, as humans, tend to shy away from difficult tasks.  The easier and more convenient it is, the more we like it.  After January 1st, the attempts to keep the resolutions begin and most realize very quickly that they have bitten off more than they can chew.  Instead of scaling back a little, they choose to give it all up: they get stressed so they pick up another cigarette; they’re sore from working out so they avoid the gym never to return; they eat a bite of junk food and think that just this one time won’t hurt, not realizing that ‘this one time’ happens all the time.  To make a change you must commit to a different lifestyle.  When you don’t follow through, these commitments become false commitments.  False commitments = lies.  Why do you want to lie to yourself and to your family/friends?

It all comes down to discipline.  What are you REALLY willing to change?  How are you going to do it?  How are you going to avoid reverting back to your ‘comfort zone’?  If you’ve already fallen off the wagon, what are you going to do now?  Throw your hands up and accept failure?  Nice - way to go, quitter.  Are you just going to wait until January of 2009 and try again?  Any day is a good day for change. 

Before anyone goes jumping down my throat here and telling me how wrong I am, I just want to say that this are simply my own personal feelings and observations.  I’m not here to insult anyone.  If you are insulted, I will not apologize.  The best way to prove me wrong is with your actions to maintain the promise and commitment you made to yourself…

Some have asked how my finger has been doing lately.  I’m still in occupational therapy and making progress.  I still can’t make a tight fist and I probably never will again, but it’s getting better.  I can easily touch my finger tip to the bottom of my palm.  My concern has been gripping the bar for various lifts (especially the heavy ones), but I haven’t had issues lately. 

I went to the ortho that did the surgery this past week and he removed the last pin.  It’s weird to watch someone cut you with a scalpel and feel the pressure of a medical instrument resembling needle-nose pliers pressing and moving against your bone.  I’m a science teacher so to me it was pretty cool.  He stitched me up when he was done and I got to keep the pin.  I’m just glad he numbed me this time; the last pin he extracted hurt to the point where I was sweating. 

A few weeks ago, I left my middle school science teaching position to go to the high school classroom. I’ll be teaching Biology Honors 1st semester, and Earth/Space Honors 2nd. I got hooked up with the athletic director and he gave me the football coach’s number. We talked and I’m now an assistant in the best football program in the nation. Really… they’ve been National Champs for 2 years in a row and Florida state champs for the past 3 years.

http://www.lakelandfootball.com/

Not too shabby… I’ve coached high school baseball before; this will be my first time coaching football. I don’t think I could be in a better position than I am now.   

I just came back from Las Vegas - the city of buffets galore.  Perfect for bulking.  I was there for only 3 days but I had the be ‘hooked up.’  I was feeling symtoms of withdrawl and it was all I could think about.  So, I called a guy who could deliver what I needed - two free gym passes. 

Ok, so I’m supposed to be on vacation, but I couldn’t stop thinking about training.  So I ask this question:  Am I addicted to training?  I have never experimented with drugs, I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t use tobacco products.  So is training my vice?  My ‘grip’, some would call it?  I get this feeling of overwhelming satisfaction when my joints ache and my muscles burn and I have no blood in my head because its all concentrated in the area I just trained.  That’s my ‘high’.  If I go even a couple days without it, I feel rundown and tired - like I’m going through some kind of withdrawl.  But you know what?  I like… no, I love feeling the withdrawl.  It reminds me of what I need to do in the gym.  It forces me to think about my plan of attack for the upcoming week. 

If I am, in fact, addicted, it’s a addiction I am proud of.  Some people will never understand.  And I don’t ever expect them to. 

I have read comments left on my blog and BodySpace and I receive the occasional personal message about how positive my attitude has remained through my finger ordeal.  Some people have asked how I do it: "What keeps you motivated?"  I, first, want to thank those that read my blog - my rambling utterances that have no bearing on anyone else’s life but my own.  I put my thoughts in print so I can see how I feel at certain times, then go back and adjust my attitude.  It keeps me honest with myself. 
Motivation - the thing(s) that drives one to be successful - is different for everyone.  What works for me may not work for you.  I am intrinsically motivated; I do not need an outside source of motivation to get me to hit the weights with the utmost intensity.  I set goals and I clearly know what my goals are.  My job is to attain those goals by whatever means I have available to me.  Right now, my finger is swollen, stiff, and not good for much.  I know I will never regain full use of it, but that’s not going to stop me from trying to rehab it back to as close to normal as I can - that’s a goal of mine.  Some people get discouraged over little things and give up.  Being a teacher, I see that all the time.  I’m not giving up because of a boo-boo on and in my finger.  Growing up as a kid I had been bullied and picked on at school.  Some folks, even as adults, get picked on or harassed in the workplace.  People react on how they perceive these kinds of situations.  Some commit suicide.  Some become school/workplace shooters.  Those people have one thing in common in my opinion: they wanted others to change.  We all need to realize that no one else will change for you.  The only one you can change is you.  We all have emotional or physical scars, or both in some cases.  They can be discouraging and bring you down if you let them.  Or, you can redirect your focus.  Focus not on how the scar feels or looks, but how you will persevere and overcome.  Let that scar become a battle wound, ever remembering how you fought or are currently fighting through it.  Let it be your motivation.  Allow it to push you to another level and become a better, stronger person.  I’ll leave you with a couple of great quotes from Henry Rollins that I think everyone can appreciate in some way, shape, or form:

 
"I think about the meaning of pain. Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own. I like mine.”

 
“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”
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Haven’t written in a while.  Things happen and I prioritize… 

 My cast is now gone (got it taken off last week) and I’ve been training without many issues.  My finger is still swollen and I’m not able to bend it much at all.  The mobility should improve over time, but it’ll never be as it was.  The doc took out one of the pins (without anethesia - ouch!) to improve the range of motion.  My wrist, hand, and fingers are stiff from being in the cast.  No major issues, though.

As for training, I am able to grip 70lb dumbbells again for various exercises.  My upper body is weakened by my inability to train it for a month, but I’m confident I’ll regain my strength within a short amount of time. 

I’ve been counting the hours until I get this cast off my hand.  It’s sweaty.  It’s annoyingly uncomfortable.  It’s falling apart.  Well, OK, that’s my fault.  I’ve recently been able to grip heavier dumbbells (although nothing over 45lbs yet) and they’ve broken and cracked the cast in a few places… Oops.  Still, I’m sick of it.  I’ve been sick of it since the doc put it on me.  I just want to be able to move my wrist again.  My finger is feeling absolutely no pain.  I know it’ll be a while until I regain decent use of it.  Let the rehab begin.  I’m ready for this setback to be over.  I plan on going through a short cutting phase starting next week.  That means cardio - yuck!  I despise cardio.  I’ll cut for a few weeks while my finger continues healing.  Once I regain some of my forearm/grip strength I can start gripping the bar for deadlifts again.  I’m looking forward to that.  I’ll obviously have to start out light.  I’m sure it’ll be a slow process, but I’ll be back on my quest for a 500lb+ deadlift as soon as I can.  This is a temporary setback, not a permanent end to my goals.

I’ve been hearing it from everyone lately: "You better be careful working out," or "You’re going to hurt yourself again," or "Why are you doing that?"  Yeah, I had surgery - big deal.  My hand is now in a hard cast up to my forearm.  Are people with casts not supposed to accept it and continue on as I have?  Are those of us unfortunate to have injuries supposed to quit living our lives as usual and sulk about our injuries, waiting to heal?  I say "Hell no!"  NOTHING good comes to those who wait.  You need to step up and bust your butt to get what you want.  I have certain goals and I intend on reaching them.  Sure, the surgery is a setback.  I will, more than likely, not reach my deadlift goal of 500lbs+ by June.  I accept it, set other goals I can strive for, and move on.  You adjust and adapt to environmental changes.  Survival of the fittest.

People can say all they want about what I am doing.  I simply tell them, "I’m stubborn, not stupid."  I train smart.  I’m not performing any exercise I feel puts me in danger of reinjuring my finger.  Do I take risks?  Of course.  Do we not take risks every day anyway?  I am committed to transforming my body into something better.  I am now surrounded by negativity and those telling me "Don’t…" and "You shouldn’t…" on a daily basis.  To those people, I want say "Thank you."  I say this because your doubt fuels me to push harder, to prove that what I am doing is right.  Just because you don’t have the guts and determination to keep reaching for your goals by any means necessary doesn’t mean I have to be like you and watch my goals, dreams, and intentions slip away.  This is my journey, not yours. 

These are some of my journal entries over the past week or two.  Since I broke my finger I’ve had to deal with overcoming an obstacle that has the potential to really set my progress back.  Although I’m unable to perform deadlifts or bench, I can focus on legs and abs (two of my weak points, in my opinion, anyway).  Please understand that I am NOT looking for sympathy here.  I want those with complications to know that you CAN and WILL overcome anything if you just keep your head on straight and bust your butt.
 

Journal entries…
 

3/24/2007
I was playing basketball on Friday afternoon and jammed my finger going up for a rebound. I played on for a minute or so ’cause it didn’t feel that bad. But when I looked down at my finger and it was sticking out at 45-degree angle. I jogged off the court and drove to a health clinic down the street. X-rays showed my 5th finger (pinky) on my right hand was broken in 3 places plus cartilage damage. I got a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon sometime this coming week. I obviously had to forego my back session on Friday.

Call me stupid, stubborn, or whatever you want but I’m gonna do everything in my power to train. I’ve worked too f—-n’ hard and too f—-n’ long to let something like this drag me down. I won’t be able to stick to my current schedule so I need help with some modifications. Anything that involves gripping the bar is pretty much out for a while. My goal now is to concentrate on legs. I’ll probably train legs 2x a week until my finger heals. I used to do a Westside routine a few years ago that had me doing heavy legs one day and lighter explosive box squats 3 or 4 days later (along with other accessory exercises, of course). I’m thinking of going back to that.
 

Right now, I’ll do what it takes. Doing “nothing” is not an option.

3/27/2007
I saw the orthopedic doc today. He tried setting my finger but it’s f—ed. The joint is crushed and impacted into the bone below. He said he’ll have to put a plate and screws in it just to straighten it out. He also said that because of the way it’s broken, he may have to obtain a bone graft from my elbow to insert into my finger. I go under the knife either Thursday or Friday. After tomorrow’s upper body session, I guess I may need to take the rest of the week off from training. This f—ing sucks!!!
 

3/29/2007
Looks like it’s gonna be all legs for me for at least a few weeks. Had surgery today on the finger and the doc said it was a mess in there. He said it was broken in 3 places, crushed, impacted into the bone below it, and rotated 45 degrees. I have 2 pins and a piece of a cadaver bone in my finger now. They wrapped my hand with so much gauze I can’t even hold a fork or a toothbrush with it. I have to keep it on until April 12th. When I asked the Doc on Tuesday how long it would be until I was able to grip a barbell again, he said to give him 6 weeks. Looks like squats are my new best friend for a month or so…