-JB-’s Perpetual Journey

This is my first cut and its not easy.  My hat is off to the bodybuilders who do this multiple times a year for weeks.  It’s been 3 weeks now and although I’m losing the fat I aquired from my bulk faster than I expected to, it’s a brutal process.

First, I love to eat.  Bulking was soooo much fun because I ate everything within reason (I do my best to keep it clean).  I love loading up a plate full of whole-grain pasta or brown rice, throwing some meat on top, stirring it up, and eating it all together.  Now the carbs I get are from veggies.  They’re just not the same.  Every year at our school we have a party for our 8th graders who are going to high school after the summer break.  We have pizza, candy, doughnuts, soda, etc. - enough for over 200 students.  This year I sat in the back of the kitchen eating my all natural lean turkey and cottage cheese while everyone else gorged on garbage.  The other teachers and the students alike were trying to get me to eat ‘unhealthy foods.’  It hard to explain to those who don’t understand why you do the things you do.  That’s why I simply say ‘No, thank you’ and continue eating the stuff my body really needs.

 Also, I hate cardio.  I’ve been running 3 miles about 4 or 5 times a week for a few weeks now.  I still train in the afternoon in the Dungeon 4 days a week.  After I eat dinner at night, I’ve been ready for bed.  I feel drained from pushing myself so hard lately.  Burning more calories than I eat is a relatively new thing to me and my body isn’t really used to it.  That calorie deficit, however, is getting me the results I want.

I’m going to start bulking again very soon.  I hope to reach 230lbs; that’s a short-term goal.  I know what it takes for me to get there.  I have the summer off (one of the only advantages of being a teacher) to really concentrate on training hard and eating right and resting when my body needs it.  Mind over all…

I have read comments left on my blog and BodySpace and I receive the occasional personal message about how positive my attitude has remained through my finger ordeal.  Some people have asked how I do it: "What keeps you motivated?"  I, first, want to thank those that read my blog - my rambling utterances that have no bearing on anyone else’s life but my own.  I put my thoughts in print so I can see how I feel at certain times, then go back and adjust my attitude.  It keeps me honest with myself. 
Motivation - the thing(s) that drives one to be successful - is different for everyone.  What works for me may not work for you.  I am intrinsically motivated; I do not need an outside source of motivation to get me to hit the weights with the utmost intensity.  I set goals and I clearly know what my goals are.  My job is to attain those goals by whatever means I have available to me.  Right now, my finger is swollen, stiff, and not good for much.  I know I will never regain full use of it, but that’s not going to stop me from trying to rehab it back to as close to normal as I can - that’s a goal of mine.  Some people get discouraged over little things and give up.  Being a teacher, I see that all the time.  I’m not giving up because of a boo-boo on and in my finger.  Growing up as a kid I had been bullied and picked on at school.  Some folks, even as adults, get picked on or harassed in the workplace.  People react on how they perceive these kinds of situations.  Some commit suicide.  Some become school/workplace shooters.  Those people have one thing in common in my opinion: they wanted others to change.  We all need to realize that no one else will change for you.  The only one you can change is you.  We all have emotional or physical scars, or both in some cases.  They can be discouraging and bring you down if you let them.  Or, you can redirect your focus.  Focus not on how the scar feels or looks, but how you will persevere and overcome.  Let that scar become a battle wound, ever remembering how you fought or are currently fighting through it.  Let it be your motivation.  Allow it to push you to another level and become a better, stronger person.  I’ll leave you with a couple of great quotes from Henry Rollins that I think everyone can appreciate in some way, shape, or form:

 
"I think about the meaning of pain. Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own. I like mine.”

 
“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”
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Haven’t written in a while.  Things happen and I prioritize… 

 My cast is now gone (got it taken off last week) and I’ve been training without many issues.  My finger is still swollen and I’m not able to bend it much at all.  The mobility should improve over time, but it’ll never be as it was.  The doc took out one of the pins (without anethesia - ouch!) to improve the range of motion.  My wrist, hand, and fingers are stiff from being in the cast.  No major issues, though.

As for training, I am able to grip 70lb dumbbells again for various exercises.  My upper body is weakened by my inability to train it for a month, but I’m confident I’ll regain my strength within a short amount of time.